Last month one of the prompts on Write Bravely was “Explore how you find and stick to habits or routines that sustain you—what works, what doesn’t, and why?”
I hate being put in a box with rules and regulations which means that I find it extremely difficult to stick to habits, even if I know I desperately need to.
My BPD and my spells of depression often make the most basic of habits like brushing my teeth or having a bath difficult to follow.
The first habit I have been most consistent in following, though I have slipped up a few days here and there, is writing my morning pages.
I started writing these pages after I read Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way, which my friend Corinne gifted me at a particularly low point in my life.
I have been writing these pages since 2018 and have filled over 20 notebooks with my scribblings and thoughts.
On the darkest days, this one habit has been my anchor. It sort of stabilises the day for me and centres me, so that I feel all is not lost.
It helps me prioritise what I can do, not necessarily “have” to do. It allows me to set the pace for the day — make it a “bail gadi” day or a “supersonic jet” day.
This habit allows my mind to calm down and get into the routine of the day — the brushing, the bath, meals et al.
The days I do not write my morning pages are the days I feel lost and bewildered by all that I assume needs to be done.
So, as far as possible, I do not miss these pages.
They have become a friend who sits with me while I have my cup of tea and gently reassures me that I can handle whatever the day has in store for me.