The end of the year is both a time for reflection and for making new plans. Last year, my word of the year was order and that was what I really needed in 2022. Last year, I lost Muffin, who was a part of my soul. It shattered me, and I am sure that if it had happened a few years ago, I would not have recovered my sanity.
Because I had systems in place, my morning and night routines had become so ingrained, that I automatically followed them. My calendar reminded me to take appointments with my psychiatrist, my counselor and my physician every month. This has kept my mind and body relatively well. Yes, there were slips and I did not write or interact with my fellow bloggers and poets as much as I would have liked, but I healed slowly and steadily. November and December saw me wanting to celebrate life; so my birthday and Christmas was spent with family and friends, catching up and acting as crazy as I could!
This year, I pondered a lot about what my word should be. Because I was still feeling a little unsure of myself, my feelings, I thought about “Finding Sunita, freeing Sunita.”
That led me to go deep down and wonder why I still felt so lost among a million expectations. Who am I really? What do I really want? Why do I hesitate even as I ask myself these questions? Why do I get petrified at the thought of putting it down on paper?
Do I really want to be this person who hides from the world behind a million romance novels? Do I want to keep beating myself up for not doing enough to improve my health, my finances, my writing? Or do I want to say at the end of every day, “I made progress today.”
I want to be fearlessly myself, flamboyant, vibrant, full of energy. I want to find the magic, the witch in me . I want to live unapologetically!
This I know is the true me and if I have to bring her back to life, I have to be comfortable with her again. I have to stand up for me, without being rude or hurting anyone.I need to assert my “me” ness.
The Sunita I see is full of life, charming, optimistic, dancing, laughing deep belly laughs, caring and giving.
I want to learn; to find my roots, to know my ancestors, to reach out to them. I want to feel one with nature, with the universe, wrapped up in love, warm comfortable love. I want to be free to explore, to travel, to go back to having enough confidence to go for movies or treat myself to a dinner out by myself.
I want to feel the love in my heart overflowing and touching and healing everyone; bringing joy and comfort to everyone around me.
I want to watch in awe as the lives that I touch as a teacher, blossom and grow into beautiful beings. I never want to lose that awe.
As I was scribbling these thoughts in my journal, a voice kept asking me, “What’s stopping you? What’s stopping you?”
I, I was the one stopping myself with all my excuses of why I could not exercise or why I could not write and why playing games on my mobile instead of going to sleep on time was a good idea.
And then it struck me, that my phrase for this year should be “No Excuses!” I am going to remind myself of this in every area of my life. And yet there is that voice of doubt that says, “Are you sure?” The first thing I am going to be doing is telling myself that I have no excuse to listen to that voice and I should send it packing far, far away from me!
Have a wonderful 2023!
I loved reading this post, Sunita. I missed reading it in January and I am glad that I made it a point to check your blog now. Your words are so inspiring. I am so proud of having known you. You ask the right questions. True self reflection happens when we are ready to ask the difficult questions and find the courage to answer them honestly.
Wish you a spectacular 2023. And yes, No excuses. Keep shining.
What a delightfully honest post, Sunita! I recall you mentioning about your routines and how they helped you tide through the many challenges in 2022. It’s so wonderful to know that you were able to heal yourself and even make room for celebrations, as the year was ending. That, to me, is a reflection of your fighting spirit and so very inspiring to me, Sunita.
Now that you have your WOTY for 2023, I pray that happiness, good health and positive energy flow in abundance to bring back all the magic and the possibilities, just as you are wishing for.
Live it up in style, dear Sunita, and have an amazingly beautiful year ahead!
Cheers
Thanks so much Esha. You too have been a source of inspiration to me. I hang on because of all of you.
Finally, it’s all up to us, isn’t it? Loved, loved the intent and resolve in your post, Sunita. More power to you. Let’s keep each other accountable. ♥
Thanks Corinne! I like the idea of keeping each other accountable, thought I need it more than you do !
Your 2022 sounds similar to mine. I was also on a healing journey, so were you. In 2023, we are more or less seeking the same thing. I think, we can keep each other rooted in this. Have a beautiful 2023 where you do whatever you aspire to. Lots of love and light to you.
Thank you. I felt the same, that our 2022 was similar. We do need friends to keep us on our paths, and I am here.