On the 14th of January, Franco Mulakkal ( I refuse to call him Bishop) was acquitted of the charges of rape. A few of us penned down our outrage at the acquittal. This led to a slew of replies. While there were many who were in support of the nun, there was also a large number of people who spewed hate and anger against her. And not just men, but women also.
So many asked her why she did not just leave the convent. One person even went so far as to say that in cases of domestic violence, the woman is advised to walk away. So why did the nun not walk away?
This touched a raw nerve in me. Why is it always that the woman is told to walk away? To leave her home and life and walk away?
It should be the man who should be taken away. It should be the person perpetuating the violence who should be made to leave, who should be punished.
Why should the woman be punished? And she is punished because having to leave her home and go to a shelter, leaving her possessions behind , leaving the familiar neighbourhood, the friends she has is a punishment.
The children are also punished if she takes them with her, which most mothers would do. Their whole world is upended. Schools change, they lose friends, have a life that is different from what they are used to.
Why? Why, when the man gets to live in the same house, in the same manner as he always has?
In the case of Franco and the nun too, why should she leave the convent; the life she chose? Why should he not be the one to be defrocked and made to leave the church?
Even in the laws that that are created to protect women, there is so much patriarchy. The onus is always on the woman to rectify the situation, never on the man to take responsibility for his actions and own up that he is a jerk and worse.
Will this ever really change?
It’s easier to question the woman who went through the harrowing experience, who has weakened already, than questioning the powerful man who turned her world upside down. Society clearly isn’t thinking about justice.
The sad truth. Which is why we need to stand up and call it out.
The onus is always on the woman to rectify the situation, never on the man to take responsibility for his actions and own up that he is a jerk and worse.
This is so true, worldwide. I don’t know when the power equations will change, but change they will, and I’m waiting for that day. In the meanwhile, articles like this will continue to raise awareness, Sunita.
Thanks Damyanti. The wait is indeed going to be long. Aand we need to fight with our words, because sometimes words are all we have and they can actually cause more revolutions than a sword.
Why should she leave? I think the patriarchal parts of the Catholic church (and others – indeed, society at large) are threatened by strong women who can advocate for themselves or stand arm in arm with other women and advocate, as well, for them. I don’t know the details of this particular case. Rape is a very serious charge, and extremely hard to prove without evidence. It cannot ever be a matter of simply taking a woman’s word against a man’s – any more than it can be a matter of taking his against hers. Any knee-jerk thought to the contrary is a reaction to all the past history of that particular wrong; the man’s word being taken over the woman’s, by default. NEITHER is fair or just.
But women have got to be unafraid to come forward and report rape. And the rape of a nun, parishioner (especially a child) by a priest, bishop, or cardinal is particularly heinous. Why should the nun leave because she’s been victimized? Why should she, who has been faithful, be punished for exposing rot within the body of the Church? She shouldn’t – because NOT rooting out the rot will be the END of the Catholic Church, and rightfully so. Covering it up cannot be done in the Internet age, so attempts to do so will be met with swift scorn and retribution. First, it was the pedophiles, and now it’s men who’ve abused their SISTERS IN CHRIST to gratify their fleshly urges – it would be hard to think, now, “Gee, I think Catholicism sounds like a good faith, something I want to be a part of.” I’m not Catholic, but my grandfather was and it meant a lot to him. So it makes me angry to see the Church being destroyed from within by men who think that they have limitless power and unholy authority over women, children, and other congregants.
It takes a lot of courage specially for a nun to say she has been raped; to say her chastity has been violated. And even more courage to go up against a bishop who has money and the power of the patriarchial church on his side. But with our writings, a few of us have managed to cause a trickle whic is soon turning into a stream and hopefully a deluge that will cause the church to change. Already the Pope is asking women to be strong and unafraid. He has decided that this synod is going to include lay people and women. The theme is listening. So small steps, small steps. And miles to go , miles to go…
I think that Pope Francis is the sincere and faithful leader the Church needs, and I hope he lives long enough to dig out the rot and begin the healing.
True. He has changed a lot in the way the church functions. He is compassionate and forward thinking. Did you watch the movie “The Two Popes”?
No. It’s on my list, but I’m really mostly just interested in this one. I think his predecessor appealed to some of the worst elements in the Church in the US, eroding overall respect for it (as if the scandals haven’t practically destroyed it’s image).
Yes, he was quite the evil despot. Pope Francis is such a welcome change.
No. It’s on my list, but I’m really mostly just interested in this one. I think his predecessor appealed to some of the worst elements in the Church in the US, eroding overall respect for it (as if the scandals haven’t practically destroyed it’s image).
Yes, we used to pray that he died soon. He took the church back centuries!