Six years! I can hardly believe it’s been six years since that fateful day. The doctor’s face is a blur. I just remember he had a beard. The clock was huge with a yellow and gold rim; the numbers large and the time was two forty a.m.. Of course that was not the time on the death certificate. But that was the time I knew my husband had gone. And as if it was because I could not cry, the heavens did it for me. It just poured. Suddenly and swiftly.
Healing after the death of a loved one is difficult and at times it seems almost impossible. Sometimes it seems that for every step you take forward, you slide two steps backward. There are days when you don’t want to live at all. You wish you were dead too. And then suddenly one day, you forget to be sad for a few minutes. Maybe you smile at that little baby who is looking at you. Or you just enjoy the wind on your face. And then you actually get up one morning in a good mood, ready to face the day. It doesn’t matter that the next whole week you are miserable. You have these sporadic days of happiness thrown in among the misery. And before you know it you start picking up the threads of your life again.
And sometimes, there are angels to help you heal: Family, friends; in unexpected ways. I have found healing in the poetry of my friends and there is one poem that I must share with you. This is a poem written by my dear friend, Jayesh Ramaiya. He and his wife Kalpana write absolutely awesome poems. This particular one is my favourite and for some reason when I read it today, it soothed my soul .
कारवाँ के साथ कुछ गुब्बारे जुड़ जाते है
बदलती हर राह पर वे साथ ही मूड जाते है
खुश मिजाज है वे अपनी ही धून में चलते है
गांठ मत ढीली करना वह शोख कंही उड़ जाते है
कारवाँ के साथ कुछ गुब्बारे जुड़ जाते है
यादों के खंजर सीने में चुभते है
साथ बिताये हुवे पल आँसुओंमे भीगते है
जहाँ जा रहें है वे साथ ले जाते नहीं
चाहे जितना बुलाओ लौटकर आते नहीं
कारवाँ के साथ कुछ गुब्बारे जुड़ जाते है
अगले पड़ाव पर नये गुब्बारे मिल जायेंगे
फिर नये नये रंग हम सबको लुभायेंगे
जुड़ जायेगी नये मोतियों की लड़ियाँ
फिर नये शायराना गीत हम गाते है
कारवाँ के साथ कुछ गुब्बारे जुड़ जाते है
अब साथ रहेने की कसमें जाग जाती है
क्षितिज में एक तसबीर उभर आती है
फिर दूर कोई गुब्बारा नज़र आता है
और नये रास्ते हमे बुलाते है
कारवाँ के साथ कुछ गुब्बारे जुड़ जाते है
– जयकल्प –