A few days ago, it finally rained and all the children in the society ran down to the maidan to play in the rain. They happily splashed in the mud, screaming in joy. I stood at my window, enjoying their antics.
Suddenly two little girls passed outside my window, sharing an umbrella. The younger one decided that she wanted the umbrella all to herself and tried to tug it out of her sister’s hand. The elder sister refused to release it and so the younger one started bawling. Their father who was with them, glared at the elder one and said, “Give it to her, she’s younger.” The poor girl handed the umbrella over meekly, while she got wet in the mild rain.
Those words, “Give it to her, she’s younger!” resounded in my brain, taking me down memory lane. I had heard those words so often in my childhood. ( I am the eldest, with three younger sisters).
On the surface, those words seem to be a lesson in sharing. In truth they have much deeper repercussions. Everytime Mummy said, “Give it to her, she’s younger”, I seethed with resentment, but I knew I had to obey. I soon learnt that if I wanted Mum’s approval, I needed to let my younger siblings take what ever they wanted before they started yelling for it.
When children are forced to share or give in to sibling pressure, they grow up lacking the skills needed to survive in the world. It can severely handicap them on the road to success.
In school, I let others take my tiffin, copy my homework and ride roughshod over me.If someone else happened to raise their hand to answer a question, I would lower mine. I never volunteered for parts in any plays or any other activities because I was sure I would not be chosen , even though I loved acting and elocution. I had learnt to give way to others who were more vocal and I had also started losing confidence in myself. “ I won’t get it , so why even bother trying?”
In the corporate world, it translates to not standing up for yourself and letting others take credit for your hard work and ideas. You do not advocate or champion yourself even if you know you deserve that raise or that promotion.
Today I consciously assert myself and make sure that I get the credit for what I do. But the road has been long and there was a lot of unlearning and relearning that had to be done before I got to where I am today!
Linking this to #MondayMusings hosted by Corinne at everydaygyaan.
I can see how this would affect you, Sunita. Parents and adults don’t realize the long-reaching impact of words on children. Thank you for sharing, this resonated with me.
Hugs, Sunita! I feel for you. I can see how those words must have made you feel. Looking back, so many things we heard being said to us in our formative years, now sound so wrong. And yet, they were said all too frequently to every older sibling, and we took them all in, until the words began to seep into our inner core, making us feel we’re not enough. I wish we could undo all those words some day!
Loved your heartfelt post, Sunita and it somewhere echoed in me too.
Our childhood has such an impact on our adult behavior. Subtle things that happened in our formative years can change our personality so much. This is a beautiful post and I can so relate to it. Thanks for writing and sharing.