2025 – A long long year!

I am saying goodbye to 2025 with mixed feelings. It has been a very long year. As I go through my morning pages to decide what to include in this post, I get lost down memory lane. So much has happened. Both heavy and healing. Both torturing and teaching. And here’s why.

Things that were a constant worry

Going through my morning pages, I realised my most recurring thought has been about how I can keep my house spic and span. I am one of those people who can create chaos out of clean in a second. So whether it was a mess after I finished decorating my journal or the mess in the kitchen after I had finished cooking, mess seemed to follow me around. Honestly, I find it very boring to wash dishes and clean the floors but since I had to let my maid go, I have been trying (and failing ) to keep my house clean and tidy. The insta maids apps have been my saviour and once or twice I hire in a maid for a couple of hours to get my house ship shape, specially after I have created a disaster zone!

The other thing I have been failing at is walking regularly. This is very important for my knees and to bring my weight under control. But for some reason, I keep putting it off, though I love walking. Now perhaps if I had a forest to walk in, it would have been a different scenario. But who wants to walk in smoggy, dusty, smelly air on roads full of pot holes and back breakers? But finally my daughter dangled a carrot which we shall talk about later. 

Loss and darkness

2025 will forever remain one of the darkest years of my life. This year, our family lost a son and a granddaughter far too early. Loss that arrived without warning and shattered the shape of our days. My daughter also lost her father-in-law to cancer. We grieved deeply; and we are still grieving. Some losses don’t tidy themselves away with time. They sit with you, altering your breath, your sleep, your sense of safety in the world.

These losses reopened memories of losing my dad, a couple of very close friends, my dog Muffin, and my husband.  I slipped into a deep dark depression; one that took months to climb out of. What helped, what truly helped, was not willpower, but support. My doctors. My psychotherapist. My daughters. And a couple of friends who quietly, faithfully checked in every few days, even when I had nothing hopeful to report. I am here because I was not left alone.

Inspite of this darkness, there was light and reassurance as well. I did a lot of things that brought back my belief in myself. That helped me celebrate life and love.

Back to learning

This year, a few friends and I finally completed The Artist’s Way. I had begun the course nine years ago and abandoned it halfway. This time, held by the  group, I stayed. The camaraderie and honest sharing in the group enveloped me like a safe, snug blanket. I, in turn was able to reach deep within and discover truths about myself as an artist. In the new year we plan on working on Louisa Hay’s book, “You Can Heal Your Life.”  I must say I am looking forward to the experience.

Living bravely

The highlight of my year was my birthday trip to Thailand, lovingly planned by my daughters. I did things that genuinely terrified me. I braved water (something that gives me panic attacks! ) enough to sit on a stool at a pool bar and sip a beer. I went on a boat trip to the islands, heart pounding, and stepped into the sea to reach land. In keeping with my word for the year, I chose bravery. My daughters’ admiration and praise were reward enough!

An earlier trip to Singapore to visit my daughter was a different kind of challenge. She became a gentle war general, insisting I walk 3000 steps a day. It may sound small, but with painful knees, it was an ordeal. I ate clean, nourishing food. I rested. And by the end of the trip, I felt healthier in body and spirit and three kilos lighter. Proof that care, when steady and supported, does work. And of course the carrot – a trip to Italy in 2026 if I was fit enough!

On writing and teaching

This year, I faithfully kept my date with my writing group every Wednesday morning. This resulted in a lot of blog posts and notebooks filled with poems, enough for me to consider publishing my next book of poems. I am also deeply grateful for Write Bravely, a writing group started by Corinne Rodrigues, where weekly prompts encourage us to dig deep and write fearlessly.

On the business front,  I conducted Rangoli Rhymes during the Diwali week and was blessed with a group of wonderful, committed poets. Trick or Tales, my Halloween story-writing workshop for children, was filled with enthusiasm and imagination. Puddles and Poetry, a two-day poetry workshop for adults, led to the creation of a Poetry Circle where we now share prompts and write together every week.

Of course I spent a lot of time reading mindless romance books and scrolling cute animal videos, but a girl has got to have some things to look forward to, no? 

Looking back, looking ahead

When I look back, I see that 2025 held grief and growth in the same hands.
It exhausted me. It taught me. It stretched me in ways I did not ask for. I did not become a better version of myself in neat, Instagram-worthy ways. But I became more compassionate. More honest. More aware of how much care survival actually takes.

So goodbye, 2025. Thank you for the lessons, even the painful ones. Thank you for the people who held me when I couldn’t hold myself. Thank you for reminding me that showing up, imperfect, grieving, tired, still counts.I step into the next year carrying less certainty, but more grace.

And I could say that’s enough, but ‘dil maange more”. And I will not settle for less when I can get that more. Read my blog on my Word of the Year (coming up next) to see what I have planned for 2026.