My life changed irrevocably on the 29th of April, 1988. I was just 23 years old and though I was aware that there would be changes, I didn’t realise they would be so drastic.
In one day, I became an adult and a mother of twins. My pregnancy was not the easiest, but the reality of actually seeing my daughters in flesh and blood was something else altogether. I was responsible for two humans; totally responsible for them ! How was I going to manage????
The proud grandmothers with the twins
From that day onwards, my life was a whirl of activity; sterilising bottles, washing nappies, singing lullabies, feeding the babies in turn, and sleeping with one and a half ear open.
Cut forward to today, 29th April 2024. I sit alone at home and order a delicious meal to celebrate 36 years of me being a mother. My daughters are far away, each celebrating their birthday with their special ones.
Am I upset? Am I hurt? Absolutely not. Because you see, I have retired as a mom a long time ago. More than a decade ago, I realised that I was no longer interacting with my children, but with adults who had their own opinions and were very clear about what they wanted out of life. It was time to trust that I had brought them up well and cut the umbilical cord. It felt strange at first and I kept slipping into mummy mode. But soon I saw the benefits of no longer being a mom.
I too can live my own life on my own terms. I don’t have to make decisions on how things will affect my kids. I can have a girls night out, watch the movies I like and cook ( or not cook) what I want.
And the funny thing is, as I stopped being a mom, my daughters and I became friends. We are each other’s best support and cheering squad. We are also there to kick each other in the pants if required. And I find I like this way way better than being a mom!
Do you think it’s possible to retire as a mother? Do share your views in the comments below.
If you would like to read my journey of motherhood, you can find it in my book “A Mother’s Heart” If you are in India and would like a paperback copy click here.
You did the best thing, Sunita. It is so important that parents cut the umbilical cord once the kids are adults so that they –the parents and the kids–can live their lives the way they wish to. Sadly, not all parents think so and continue parenting their kids as long as they live. 🙁
True, Shilpa. A lot of us, specially mothers, forget that being a parent is only one of the roles we play. Unfortunately society also expects you to always be a parent only. It’s time me make place in our lives for ourselves.
You’re one smart ex-Mom. Too many Moms hold on – and make themselves and their children miserable with their interference!
Happy Daughters’ Birthday! Hugs!
True. And they also forget that times have changed so much and their kids lives are so different from what theirs were at the same age.
Enjoyed reading the Article.
As Usual Aunty Sunita, your someone I have admired from childhood.
Lots of ❤️
Thanks love. I’m glad you enjoyed the article.
Wow lovely. Took me back when the girls where born . And every moment we were with them . I too felt like a retired mum for a moment …
You were and will always be my first baby! I fell in love with you the moment I laid eyes on you in the hospital and was so proud when mummy allowed me to help her look after you. And you will always be Janu to the girls.
I am a mom to my 14 and 7 year old boys. Retiring from the mother post seems to be an impossible mission to me at this moment. I do look forward to that time when I would be able to keep the mothering cloak away and enjoy being me. I don’t know if that would be easy as I imagine, but I would love to find that out someday.
It’s wonderful that you’ve retired, Sunita. Only a person who is confident about their upbringing of their children would be able to even think of retiring as a mother. Your girls are lucky to have you as their mother. And you are wise to become their friend. ❤️
I know at times mothering our kids can seem daunting. There were times when I sat down on the floor and howled in frustration. And there were times that I would never change for anything in the world. I am sure you will one day be able to let your boys fly with pride and the satisfaction of a job well done.