Image by Rebecca Scholz from Pixabay
My nephew got married on the 15th of this month. I remember the day he was born. We were so excited to see him. A tiny little bundle wrapped up in a baby blanket. And now here he was, all suited and booted, ready to walk down the aisle.
Looking at him, I wondered if he was really ready for marriage. But then, who ever is?
Marriage always looks so very different from the outside. It is only when you are actually living in close proximity to someone that your love is tested.
In some ways, I suppose, arranged marriages are a lot more grounded because you don’t have that , “love ever after” expectations. I’m sure you dream of it eventually becoming an “arranged cum love marriage” as they say, but it doesn’t start with this ridiculously high standard of “If he/she loves me, then…”. If he/she love me, nothing! It doesn’t mean anyone is compelled to or will act in a certain way.
Add to that the fact that in every relationship there is always one partner who “loves” more and is wiling to compromise and give up everything for peace (and love?)
I know, I know, it’s not that idyllic picture of marriage that we carry in our minds, the one where both partners step in for each other , share chores, responsibilities and have nights full of passion.
In truth, it is one or the other partner shouldering most of the responsibility and “not tonight, I am too tired!”
I have noticed, however, that with the years, there is more of a settling down, just like after an earthquake the tectonic plates settle down, adjusting to each other. As the years go by, you get used to each other’s idiosyncrasies, and even look at them fondly; and slowly a quiet love and acceptance of each other grows.
That I think is true love; when you know someone is imperfect and you still love them. When you make a decision everyday, to love them no matter what.
And that friendship, those quiet walks together, those meaningful discussions on everything under the sun, the anticipation of what the other needs and giving it, whether it is a hot cup of tea or a hug that takes away all the cares of the world, that is what I think true love is all about.
Such a heartfelt reflection on marriage! True love isn’t about perfection but about choosing each other every day, despite imperfections. ❤️
I agree, Sunita. Choosing to love that person knowing their imperfections and flaws is what love is all about. It takes a lifetime to figure this bit about true love though!
Marriage is such a complex thing, isn’t it? I think it really tests your maturity and ability to adjust to another person with a completely different upbringing. I guess arranged marriages try to put people from similar backgrounds together, but that’s no guarantee, since we’re all so unique.
In the past, I would detest it when people encouraged me to get married for companionship. It sounded so unromantic. But as the years go by, I realize that’s what it really is all about – having someone who knows you well and loves you despite the crap! 😉
Can’t agree more with everything you said, Sunita! To be able to accept the imperfections is a beautiful quality! To anticipate one’s needs and give them even before one expects is possible only for those whose heart is filled with love and compassion. “Meaningful discussions” do play a great role in building love in all relationships not just with the spouse.
Marriage is a challenging commitment in both love and arranged marriage scenarios. They say marriages are made in heaven but looking at modern marriages, I often wonder which part/department of heaven is assigned this task of arranging marriages, because honestly, that department needs to buckle up and deliver better. Long back, a wise friend of mine had said that don’t treat marriage like a romantic dream rather treat it like a job, it will be easier to handle. Marriage is not about roses and candle lights it is about home loans, diaper rashes, doing dishes, laundry, paying hospital bills, and endless other thankless chores. The initial euphoria goes away and you are faced with the reality of living with another person. In old times, both men and women expected very little from marriages. They treated it as a responsibility almost a chore. In modern times, our expectations from marriages have increased humongous (thanks to popular culture and social media) Honestly fulfilling so many expectations is not possible by one human being and no wonder marriages are falling apart like a house of cards.
A heartfelt reflection on the evolving nature of love in marriage—growing from expectation to acceptance, from passion to quiet companionship, and ultimately, to a love that chooses to stay, every single day.
“The four-letter word ‘LOVE’ embodies a profound sense of safety and security with one another. Marriage transcends love; it’s a sacred commitment to stand by each other’s side, through life’s joys and challenges, until death do us part.
Arranged marriages can be a beautiful plunge into life, bridging the unknown and fostering growth, trust, and companionship.”
This is a beautiful read, Sunita. Appeals to the hopeless romantic in me.
The realistic person in me will beg to differ. Marriages also go on and settle down without the love and hugs too. It is the commitment that keeps many going despite the struggles of understanding each other. And if both the people are mature enough, then communication happens to become helpful. At the end, it is about how one or both come to derive their peace.