Image by Rebecca Scholz from Pixabay
My nephew got married on the 15th of this month. I remember the day he was born. We were so excited to see him. A tiny little bundle wrapped up in a baby blanket. And now here he was, all suited and booted, ready to walk down the aisle.
Looking at him, I wondered if he was really ready for marriage. But then, who ever is?
Marriage always looks so very different from the outside. It is only when you are actually living in close proximity to someone that your love is tested.
In some ways, I suppose, arranged marriages are a lot more grounded because you don’t have that , “love ever after” expectations. I’m sure you dream of it eventually becoming an “arranged cum love marriage” as they say, but it doesn’t start with this ridiculously high standard of “If he/she loves me, then…”. If he/she love me, nothing! It doesn’t mean anyone is compelled to or will act in a certain way.
Add to that the fact that in every relationship there is always one partner who “loves” more and is wiling to compromise and give up everything for peace (and love?)
I know, I know, it’s not that idyllic picture of marriage that we carry in our minds, the one where both partners step in for each other , share chores, responsibilities and have nights full of passion.
In truth, it is one or the other partner shouldering most of the responsibility and “not tonight, I am too tired!”
I have noticed, however, that with the years, there is more of a settling down, just like after an earthquake the tectonic plates settle down, adjusting to each other. As the years go by, you get used to each other’s idiosyncrasies, and even look at them fondly; and slowly a quiet love and acceptance of each other grows.
That I think is true love; when you know someone is imperfect and you still love them. When you make a decision everyday, to love them no matter what.
And that friendship, those quiet walks together, those meaningful discussions on everything under the sun, the anticipation of what the other needs and giving it, whether it is a hot cup of tea or a hug that takes away all the cares of the world, that is what I think true love is all about.
“The four-letter word ‘LOVE’ embodies a profound sense of safety and security with one another. Marriage transcends love; it’s a sacred commitment to stand by each other’s side, through life’s joys and challenges, until death do us part.
Arranged marriages can be a beautiful plunge into life, bridging the unknown and fostering growth, trust, and companionship.”
This is a beautiful read, Sunita. Appeals to the hopeless romantic in me.
The realistic person in me will beg to differ. Marriages also go on and settle down without the love and hugs too. It is the commitment that keeps many going despite the struggles of understanding each other. And if both the people are mature enough, then communication happens to become helpful. At the end, it is about how one or both come to derive their peace.