Today I wrote my morning pages after a long time… 13 days.
I’m still feeling a bit uncomfortable about this, though. I mean, it fits into my day in one way, and it doesn’t in another. I like writing the pages. It makes me feel good. I want to write the pages, but I want to do it perfectly.
What does that mean? That means at the right time. It is always about the time. For some reason, I always feel that the time is never right. Not just for this, but for everything in my life. What is the right time for my physio? What is the right time to eat, sleep, walk? Why do I fuss about the time so much? Why does everything have to fit just so, in that slot, exactly, in that peg, exactly? Is it just another excuse for me not to do it? I don’t think so, because I want to do it. Then why?
Because I am obsessed with doing it correctly, perfectly. “Anything worth doing is worth doing well.” There’s the parent advising, in my head, my mummy’s voice in my head. I think I need to change that voice to, ” anything worth doing is worth doing badly”, because only if you keep doing, you will succeed at making it better, till it is finally good. So let’s start doing things badly and try not to be a perfectionist.
You have no idea how wonderful it was to read this post, Sunita. I struggle with the exact same thing. Even with my own techniques—like promising to just do the task for 10 minutes—that voice inside (which mostly resembles my mom’s) still whispers, or sometimes yells, that I didn’t do it right.
It really struck me when my son said the same thing about me. Since then, I’ve been trying to stop over-disciplining both myself and my kids. Perfectionism is a disease that needs to be cured, and you got that exactly right! 🙂
Once we are aware of that voice, it becomes easier to shut it down and let go of perfection. I have to keep reminding myself, progress, not perfection!
No time like the present moment to start or restart or just do! Let’s push each other to do things – even if they are imperfect. Showing up is what counts!
Absolutely! Working with you and Ron on Louisa Hays’ book has reinforced that fact. The present has power! I am so grateful that we are friends who push each other to get out of our comfort zones and do things imperfectly!
I think I wrote my own variant of exactly this in my now fallow journal…
I think all of us have some version of this in our heads. That mom’s voice is very strong indeed.